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One day I'll leave them
Posted by: mlaehr on September 21, 2007 at 9:07AM CST

Reality came up and slapped me in the face this week.

On Sunday we learned that the 31-year-old wife of my husband’s cousin had died from a brain aneurysm. They have three children, ages 2, 4 and 6.

They’re just babies. And she had to leave them without warning.

The parenting lesson I learned this week is, you never know when your life will end. You never know at what stage you will have to leave your children. We all want to believe we will watch them graduate from high school, get married, have our grandchildren. But no one can count on that.

It prompted me to ask myself if I have given my children what they need for futures that I might not be a part of. Have I taught them enough about inner strength and faith to endure the challenges that lie ahead in their lives? Have I given them enough freedom to be confident in future decisions? Have I taught them what it means to be loved and to love unconditionally? Have I instilled a thirst for learning that will carry them to their full potentials professionally and emotionally?

Have I shown them that there is abundant beauty in the world that they should never take for granted?

No. I haven’t even scratched the surface.

But for as long as I live I’ll keep trying, because one day I'll have to leave them. And I don't know that I'll have a chance to say good-bye.

-Marci
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(15) Comments
Posted by: Cheers on September 21, 2007 9:24AM CST
Marci,

This is something I have given A LOT of thought to. Perhaps way too much.

I went to school with the young woman of which you speak. My brother was friends with her and when I was very young I was friends with her step sister. I didnt know her, but she sounds like she was a wonderful mother and friend.

When I had my daughter 3 years ago, I had already had a history of anxiety. But for some reason after giving birth to her, that developed into a form of OCD - without the C part. I began obsessing about the what ifs. I was petrified constantly that I would die suddenly (aneurysm, stroke and heart attack happen to be my greatest fears) leaving my little child alone in the home. I couldnt stop worrying about it.

I finally went to see someone and receieved help for what was obviously becoming out of control. The dread and shear panic was life altering to say the least.

Dying young and leaving my child is still my biggest fear, but I am more rational about it now. I have learned that we simply cannot control when it is our time to go - Amy is a perfect example of that. And worrying about which we cannot control is SUCH a super waste of energy and can be toxic to our lives. The best thing we can do is be as prepared as is appropriate with living wills, advanced directives and such. Even writing letters in a journal to your children for different ages - just in case. But beyond that - we simply need to live well each moment we have. Do I listen to my own advice? certainly not as much as I would like. But we do need to realize that each moment truly could be our last and that we need to live in a way that respects that fact. There is a line in a song by The Indigo Girls "We must love while these moments are still called today..." Very true.

And as John Edwards (the medium) always says - Communicate Appreciate and Validate NOW while we are here.

Its a sad and scary thing. But perhaps it doesnt need to be...??

Posted by: Kcin97© on September 21, 2007 10:29AM CST
Marci-
I went to school with Amy, Chris and Dan and can't express how deeply sorry I am for the loss.
We have three young children and are in no way prepared for a horrible event like this. I don't think anyone ever can be. All you can do is try your hardest to show your children unconditional love and teach them the important things in life. The most important thing to me is that I try to teach them to not worry about the little things in life.

Posted by: haileysmom on September 21, 2007 12:40PM CST
I have written letters to my daughter since I was pregnant with her. I seal them & write the date on the outside of the envelope. In these letters, I write my thoughts & feelings about her, what she is doing, mile stones she has reached, my hopes for her future etc... I do this for 2 reasons. One - I want her to have a record of her childhood & the things she has done, second, I want her to have memories from her mom - in case something ever did happen to me, she would have these words about her, written from my hands, and filled with love.
I pray that I will be the one to give them all to her someday (at her baby shower would be my choice) - but if fate holds something else for me, and takes me from her - then she will always know how much she was loved.

Posted by: rak on September 23, 2007 7:26PM CST
I too worry about this, in fact, I was just worrying about it tonight. I walked in the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure today and to see these young woman wearing "survivor" shirts really makes a person think. I also saw a little girl about 4 years old who had the little sign on the back of her shirt saying that she was walking for her mom. It made me sad because my daugther is that age. I would hate to leave her motherless or even have her have to go through the pitfalls of having a parent going through cancer treatment.

It doesn't help that I don't consider myself to be a very good person and I worry about bad karma because of it. It's not that I'm a bad person I just don't consider myself to be particularly good. I'm good to friends and family, will help people with almost anything and am pretty charitable BUT then there's this other side where I'm selfish, inflexible and think bad things about people. I like to think that because my daughter's a good person she wouldn't be punished like that - but sometimes I'm not sure.

I always wanted to do the letter thing but everything else always seems to take up my time. I just hope that she'll know by my actions now how much I love her if something bad happens to me.

Posted by: basam10000 on October 1, 2009 11:00AM CST

 


 


حراج الكويت 
بيع وشراء السلع بالكويت سيارات جديدة سيارات مستعملة سيارات للتنازل سيارات
للايجار


بيع وشراء
وايجار العقارات بالكويت شقق فلل قصور شاليهات جواخير خيام ديلوكس ملحق دبلكس
استديو


سوق بيع وشراء 
السيارات اليابانية بالكويت



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وشراء  السيارات الأمريكية
بالكويت  


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بالكويت  

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بالكويت  



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محافظة الأحمدي ومبارك الكبير


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المتنوعة والدولية

 بيع
وشراء جواخير وشاليهات واستراحات وفلل وقصور وشقق بالكويت



سوق بيع
وشراء  الجوالات وأرقام مميزة بالكويت نوكيا سوني
اريكسون سيمانز   

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بيع وشراء الكمبيوتر و الالكترونيات بالكويت


سوق 
بيع وشراء المقتنيات الشخصية بالكويت ساعات تحف طوابع عملات تذكاريات



قسم 
بيع وشراء لوازم البر والرحلات بالكويت مقناص خيام ابل غنم ماعز فرد ام
صجمة


سوق بيع
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كشخات


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بيع وشراء منتجات التجميل
بالكويت عطورات مكياجات كريمات دهانات  

 
 

 
 
 

Posted by: basam10000 on October 1, 2009 11:19AM CST

 

حراج السعودية بيع وشراء السلع  بالسعودية  سيارات جديدة سيارات
مستعملة سيارات للتنازل سيارات للايجار  بالسعودية 
بيع وشراء وايجار العقارات 
بالسعودية  شقق فلل قصور شاليهات جواخير خيام ديلوكس ملحق دبلكس استديو
عقارات المنطقة الشرقية عقارات المنطقة الغربية عقارات المنطقة الشمالية عقارات
المنطقة الجنوبية عقارات المنطقة الوسطى
سوق
بيع وشراء   عقارات مدينة الرياض

سوق بيع وشراء
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سوق
بيع وشراء   السيارات الاوروبية بالرياض



سوق بيع وشراء
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سوق بيع وشراء جميع السلع والمنتجات بالسعودية  

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