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Posted by: Getting Screwed Over by Mt Pleasant on September 7, 2007 10:53AM CST My husband and I have to take turns scolding. "Tag Team" Parenting, we call it. One always turns and hides the laughter, while the other scolds. Send the kids to their room, then snicker to each other. We also "Tag Team" when one starts to lose control. It keeps us from killing them and allows us to cool down. Sometimes, I'll cool him down by saying "He's a boy, don't tell me you never did that when you were his age." It makes him step back and reevaluate why he's yelling at our son. Sometimes, it's just we're on edge and the kid is just irritating us, but really isn't doing anything wrong.

Posted by: TinainNC on September 7, 2007 12:56PM CST First of all, your children don't listen to anyone. Not you, your mother or your mother's friends and they do as they please which in turn ended up soaking someone with a water hose and then called her a big baby. What exactly ARE you teaching your children? Not to listen, to call others names and there will be no consequences for their actions. While they are in "time-out" what are they doing? Standing still with their face in the corner or talking and fussing with each other? IF they aren't being properly punished then it's not punishing them to learn why they are in the corner to begin with. When you tell your child to sit down, MAKE THEM SIT DOWN, when you tell them to be quiet, MAKE THEM BE QUIET. Don't be a push over and feel that it's to much to handle. You had those children now deal with their behavior and if you don't correct them now you will have hell on your hands when they are teenagers. If you were there and you told them not to unhook the hose and they looked at you like " Look at me not paying any attention to you, your words mean nothing mom" the best way to have handled that would have been to get up, turn off the hose, wrap it up, take them by the hand and walk them in the house all while telling them "If you are not going to listen, then you are not going to play with it. " Now for the next hour you can sit in your room with no TV, games/toys and when I tell you to come out that willbe when and only when you are allowed to come out of your room.

Posted by: Getting Screwed Over by Mt Pleasant on September 7, 2007 1:16PM CST Don't forget to make that child apologize to the wet woman, not mom...

Posted by: TinainNC on September 7, 2007 1:20PM CST Exactly, Getting Screwed. What I'm reading is, my kids are too much to handle

Posted by: Getting Screwed Over by Mt Pleasant on September 7, 2007 1:28PM CST My husband and I may not see eye to eye on several points of view, but that's one thing we've always been united on. Lucky for our kids.

Posted by: Susie on September 7, 2007 7:58PM CST I tend to agree with the other posts; there are some "naughty" behaviors that I am willing to overlook in my children. However, being disrespectful to adults, calling adults names and things like that are not "naughty" behaviors that I am willing to overlook or laugh off. That episode would have landed my kids in some hot water.

Posted by: kkdither on September 8, 2007 9:05AM CST I would have been mortified if my children behaved like that. I agree with the other posts. You need to get control now, before they don't listen and someone gets hurt. Getting wet is superficial, but the behavior was not. You are supposed to be the adult. This is your job...and sorry to be mean, but keep those brats away from me. I was recently in a bar with my adult friend, when a mother brought her two 4-5 year old kids. They were running around, jumping, screaming, annoying everyone. I usually don't say anything, but I finally had it and let loose on her. Told her it was a bar and children didn't belong there. Parents need to parent. Kids needs should always go above the parents needs. You need to discipline even if you don't want to.

Posted by: -=PS=- on September 8, 2007 11:50AM CST My preferred (and most successful method) with my son for recurrent misbehaviors - (it's worked from 6 on) is to tell him I'm putting that on "The List". This is the list of things I am going to do when He is an Adult. I will be coming to his house, jumping on the furniture, taking one bite of food and leaving the leftovers laying around the house, this also involves leaving dirty dishes scattered (preferrably Hidden!) everywhere. I will leave his things scattered around the house and yard where he would never expect to look for them. I plan to do this naked, or wrapped in a towel, and when he or his wife or children ask me to stop, I will be forced to ignore them all, or only talk to them long enough to refer them to my son for explaination! Funny enough, but when I say, Oh, THAT's going on the list! The offensive behavior seems to stop! Of course, that doesn't mean I'm not necessarily going to make good on my plans! Payback is... payback!

Posted by: Getting Screwed Over by Mt Pleasant on September 8, 2007 3:53PM CST Oh PS... I've heard stories of my mother-in-law ACTUALLY jumping on my sister-in-law's couch!! She followed thru with her threats. Makes for good conversation and something to laugh about anyway. I think I'll start a list of my own. We'll see how well it works!!!

Posted by: rak on September 9, 2007 9:08AM CST I'm not condoning the boys' behavior and they should be issuing the apologizing the woman they soaked. However, I'm not sure that I agree with some of the criticism that has been spewed here. I find that there is very little that a parent can MAKE a child do if the child doesn't want to do it. I mean how do you MAKE a child be quiet? Do you hold their mouth shut? How do you MAKE a child eat? Do you pry open their mouth, shove the food in and then (somehow) physically make them chew and swallow it? Doesn't really seem possible. Generally the child decides to comply with the request because there is some kind of undesireable consequence if they don't. That's not MAKING them. That's giving them a choice. Sometimes kids make the right choice and sometimes they don't. When they don't then the consequence needs to be followed through with. Sending 4 and 5 year olds to thier room for an hour, by the way, is NOT an age-appropriate consequence. Anyone who knows anything about parenting knows that timeouts are 1 minute per year of age. Anything beyond that and the child forgets why they were put there in the first place. Bashing Mommy Marci for this is ludicrous since she wasn't even there. Had she been there to tell her boys not to unhook the hose it probably wouldn't have happened. None of us (and probably even Marci) know exactly what her aunt and her mother's friend said to the boys. I can picture the two old biddies saying something like, "oh, now boys, I don't think you should do that." What 4 or 5 year kid would. Anyway, enough with my rant. Let the bashing begin.

Posted by: Getting Screwed Over by Mt Pleasant on September 9, 2007 1:21PM CST I don't think there was any bashing going on by anybody. There was 1 constructive criticism and the rest were personal experiences. I wouldn't call that bashing. Regarding the criticism, the writer knew she would get that or she wouldn't have posted to begin with. The criticism is nothing that has been taught by all the professionals in the past. No where did she say, "Hey your a bad parent". No, it was "Wake up and smell the coffee. This is how you should've handled it."

Posted by: rak on September 9, 2007 6:11PM CST I don't know, if Tina's response wasn't bashing then I don't know what is.

Posted by: Getting Screwed Over by Mt Pleasant on September 9, 2007 7:23PM CST To me is sounds like it starts out hard, but then she's just giving advice in the end... Ask Fair Play what bashing is, she's pretty good at it...

Posted by: kkdither on September 9, 2007 7:33PM CST I think I did a little necessary bashing. When you laugh at the behavior, it is a huge indication that you are not seriously doing the job you should as a parent. Kids do understand that. Disrespect for another grown-up is nothing to laugh at. I reiterate, you are the parent and it is your responsibility to voice your disapproval at that behavior, not laugh at it.; even if it happened when you weren't around. My children knew they were responsible for their own behavior even when I wasn't there looking after them. Step up mom. This is a wake up call. You failed here.

Posted by: Lulu on September 9, 2007 9:10PM CST Fair Play seems to have disappeared... anybody else notice?

Posted by: Lulu on September 10, 2007 11:03AM CST p.s. and I totally agree with rak

Posted by: haileysmom on September 10, 2007 12:05PM CST I agree people are being a bit hard on Marci. She wasn't there - and kids LOVE to test their boundaries when parents aren't around. RAK was right on the money - you cannot FORCE a child to do anything. You can however give them choices & consequences to their behavior. And she was also right on with the one minute per age for time outs. Anything longer & they dont have a clue as to why they are there. If I tell Hailey to clean her room & she doesnt listen, then I tell her that she will lose a toy till it gets cleaned up. Then I follow through. If she is sassy in a store, we leave. I just dont threaten it - I do it. Its a pain to leave the groceries - but she knows that I will carry out my threats. Thankfully - now that she is four - her sassy moments are getting further apart. On a side note - I had a humorous monet on sunday. I was cleaning the bathroom & she was in the living room. She asked me to get her something & I told her to hang on a minute till I was finished. She told me "Young lady - do you want me to call your momma in heaven & tell her your being sassy?" I just about peed myself when I heard that.

Posted by: Getting Screwed Over by Mt Pleasant on September 10, 2007 2:22PM CST LMAO HMom! Sure, hubby and I laugh, but we don't do it in front of the kids. Face it, kids do dumb things that are funny. We just can't let them know it and proceed to punish accordingly. Marci didn't exactly say that she laughed in front of or behind the kids back. BUT she shouldn't have apologized for the kids herself, she should've made them do it themselves. Even though grandma already talked to the boys, I would've most likely mentioned it too to reinforce grandma's reprimanding. Marci also did say if grandma did give the kids a timeout or not. I sure hope she did...

Posted by: TinainNC on September 10, 2007 2:32PM CST First of all, I was not bashing anyone. I was merely expressing my point. I'm a been there done that parent. And for the comment made about anyone knowing anything about parenting should know that an hour is not age appropriate, RAK when you were young and you were misbehaving, did mom use age appropriate time outs? Time out became popular in the late 90's, surly not in the 60's when I was growing up or the 80's when my daughter was growing up. As for MAKING your child do something, you can MAKE them do anything you want, you are the parent. If your child is jumping on the benches at McDonalds and you tell them to sit down, do they sit down or look at you and continue to jump on the benches? If you tell your child to be quiet, do they know how to be quiet or are you going to let them keep on interrupting your adult conversation? When I told my child to sit down, I gave her that look, used my stern voice and pointed to were she needed to plant her tail. If I had to tell her again, she got an attention getting pop on the butt. If I told her to be quiet, again she got the verbal warning, the stern look and the "hush finger over the mouth. If I had to tell her again, we totally left the situation, I excused myself and we left. I am THE PARENT and SHE WILL LISTEN to me. Okay, so now hit me with the insults of how a bad parent I am and a child abuser. When I say "pop" I mean a "pop", not a full blown open handed meant for an adult slap. Laughing at your kids for the funny little things they say is great but when they are 8 and 9 years old and talking to you like they rule the house is not funny and is not tolerable in my book.

Posted by: TinainNC on September 10, 2007 2:39PM CST How do you make a child eat? First of all, your food dislikes are YOUR dislikes, don't make them be your childs, they might like spinach even though you don't. If you make dinner and sit down at the table together, the child should try at least everything on their plate. Don't feed them everytime they say they are hungry, filling them up on snacks, yogurt, frui roll ups or apples should not subsitute a balanced meal. If they sit at the table and refuse to eat, make them sit there until YOU are satisfied that they ate enough to be nourished. Don't let them up from the table and give in to their crying temper tantrums. Make them realize that dinnertime is for eating, not picking at food or playing with it.

Posted by: Getting Screwed Over by Mt Pleasant on September 10, 2007 6:22PM CST Tina YOU ARE A CHILD ABUSER!! j/k LOL As for dinner... I make them at least taste everything on the plate. Whether it was spinach today and spinach tomorrow. I say it may not taste the same as yesterday. If they refuse to eat, they don't get anything for the rest of the night, not even water. If they finish their plate and at least taste the item I know they don't like, I'll let them have whatever. I also do not cook separate menus. I am not a restaurant. They will learn to eat what is cooked. The only time I will cook the kids something different is if I make something spicy like Jambalaya and know they can't eat it. Right now I've been having problems with the neighbor boy. The mother has him on one of those ADD drugs. I don't agree with that, I think it's lazy parenting. She recently switched the drug he is on (2 days before school started, great timing) and the doc says it'll take about a month for it to kick in. You're telling me!! YIKES!! I'm really trying to be patient with him as he teases my younger son, back talks me, throws hissy fits because he doesn't get his way, ignores me, etc... Luckily I can just send him home. Unfortunately he comes right back within 5 minutes. I've been telling him "These are the rules in my house and what you are doing is not acceptable. Go home and when you can respect my rules, you can come back over."

Posted by: mlaehr on September 10, 2007 9:21PM CST Yikes! I wasn't intending to spur such a debate! Truthfully parents, I am usually a pretty strict mommy. I DON'T let my boys get away with not listening or being naughty. They are just at the age when they want to test me on EVERYTHING! So I have been trying to lighten up a bit, lest I drive myself nuts scolding them constantly (making everyone in our household unhappy). I didn't laugh over the water incident in front of the boys. I snickered in the other room. I did talk to them about it, but I've always heard that you are supposed to punish at the time of the bad behavior - which my mother did, although half-heartedly. I called my mother's friend to apologize because whether or not my mom made my boys do it at the time, it was the right thing for me to do. And finally, if I had been there you can bet my children would never have gotten a hold of the hose nozzle to begin with. They would have been sitting in time out the moment they didn't listen and took the hose off the sprinkler. rak hit the nail on the head. My mom's friend and my aunt are cheerful grandmas who probably didn't do much to stop my boys until one of them got sprayed. In fact, they all sat and laughed over it with my mother when it happened.

Posted by: nanny on September 18, 2007 12:51PM CST After reading some nasty comments I just had to put in my two cents worth! I am Marci's mom and the grandma "Nanny" of her children. The entire incident was simply two boys enjoying a sunny day. The comment made by our 4 year old grandson wasn't said with disrespect but as kids do a repeat of something he heard another child say. As far as the spraying hose it was an act of silly playfulness not out of disrespect. Remember these are 4 and 5 year olds! They are loving, active and usually very well behaved. Yes. children do need bountries but restricting them too much (with lack of humor) stifles creativeness. I think I know a little after all I raised Marci!! And by the way my sister and friend are not two old biddies. Coming from an adult that was disrespectful!

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