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Going Back to Work...And REALLY Nervous....

Posted by: Cheers on November 7, 2007 at 8:14AM CST

Well, it looks like I am entering back into the workforce. And yes, I am freaking out about it. I wasn’t really looking for work. I had decided that I would just continue to stay home until Cassidy started school full time. But then this job just happened to fall into my lap and being that we could really use the money, I felt I had to take it – perhaps it was a sign. But I have so many reservations and I am quite nervous for several reasons.

It is a part time Managerial Assistant position. It is about 25 hours a week. Pay is not great, but something I guess. No benefits. It seems like it will be pretty laid back. I think I can wear jeans or whatever to work. So that is nice. And I will be doing basic office/computer work which shouldn’t take me long to learn as I have done that sort of thing for many years. I will be working hours where I will pretty much be there alone – the techs will all be gone by the time I get there and I will leave before they return. There are two managers in that garage and they will be there on and off. I do like working alone. So that is nice too. It appears I don’t even have to interview for the job. They are sending me the paperwork (W4s, Drug Screen Waiver, etc) in the mail and once I return them, they will send me to get a drug test. I guess after that I will start working.

I know it sounds like a decent opportunity, but for some reason I cannot stop worrying. I haven’t worked outside the home in 5 years. And even more, I have been with my daughter everyday for over 3 years. And while I know she will greatly benefit from going to “school” 5 days a week...it breaks my heart. Also, I am so used to just being able to go as I please everyday. Take a shower when I feel like it...not wear make up if I don’t want to...go grocery shopping in the morning when it is slow...if I am not feeling great or super tired, I can take it easy. Not that being a stay at home mom is easy. Even when I am wearing my PJs I still have to do all my mom/wife/runner of the home stuff. But at least that can be at my own pace. Especially in the winter. I hate driving in the winter...and now, when I don’t want to – I just stay home. Now I have to get up every morning and fix myself up, get her ready and drive across town regardless of weather. Plus, mornings are the hardest for me. Always have been.

I think I just take to change poorly. It scares me. Not to mention the ‘what ifs’. What if I have a hard time learning their system? What if I hate it? What if after daycare and gas it isn’t worth it financially?

I am such a negative nelly. I know. It’s terrible. I know Cass needs to get around other people/kids more. I know she needs to learn things I cannot always teach her. I know I need to get out and around other adults too. I need time away from home very much, but for some reason, that scares me. What I probably need the most scares me the most. How screwed up is that??!! And yes, like I said, a few extra bucks certainly won’t hurt. Especially this time of year (Christmas and property taxes – yuck).

I just wish I could stop worrying and feel more excited and relaxed about this. Perhaps once I get there the dreaded anticipation will fade and I will find a new groove. God, I hope so.

Anyone else go through this and have these feelings? Any words of wisdom??

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(75) Comments

Posted by: Gray Kitty on November 7, 2007 8:40AM CST

That's the thing Cheers, your a worrier by nature. I'll bet like you said here,( you pretty much reassured yourself in your own words )

"Perhaps once I get there the dreaded anticipation will fade and I will find a new groove."

Fear of the unknown is common Cheers. I'll bet this is an opportunity that a lot of people would love to have, it sounds ideal at least. Please don't let your fears control your ability to advance yourself. It probably will be a good thing for everyone in your family. Unless like you say the daycare costs and gas money don't make it worth the effort. Good luck with your decision Cheers. How many people do you know have a job knocking on their front door?

Posted by: HSmom on November 7, 2007 8:50AM CST

Do you really need the job that badly? You say it is only for 25 hours and pay isn't that great. Do you have to pay for childcare on top of that? There are still many stay at home moms/one-income families in this world that manage to live a wonderful life. You can also find many jobs or ways to earn money from home too.

I raised 2 children, one who is now in college, the other a senior in high school. I stayed at home the entire time. For 10 years I worked at home part time as a medical transcriptionist - and I also offered childcare for other people's children (still do). I even home educated my children until their high school years.

The years I didn't bring in very much income, we still were able to pay for home school expenses (books, etc.) sent our children to gymnastics classes, art classes, museum trips, went on vacations, and had a good life. It can be done.

I just wanted to say that if you are really worried about leaving home and going back to work - rethink that decision. Maybe it isn't the right decision for you - or at least the right time.

Posted by: Saltydog on November 7, 2007 8:51AM CST

I think you'll find it's exactly "what the doctor ordered."

Posted by: Cheers on November 7, 2007 8:54AM CST

Kitty,

I know you are right. I wish I wasn't this way. I need to meditate and get into a Yoga class. For REAL!!

And I know I am lucky to find that job so easily. Especially for me...it is VERY hard to find a job because of certain situations in my past. And while this isn't the type of work I wanted for my life. Perhaps it will help me save some money so that I can finally fisnish school one day and really do something I love or write a book :)

Posted by: Cheers on November 7, 2007 9:07AM CST

HSMom,

I hear what you are saying. The job actually pays $13 and hour to start. Which, yes I know, isn't great. But I do not have a degree and have been out of the work force for 5 years. So, I dont know that I can really expect more. I figured that after taxes and child care I will be bringing home an extra $600-$700 a month. Which is our car payment, insurance and WE Energies bill.

I have stayed home for 5 years. First with my stepdaughter and throughout my pregnancy. And now a wee over 3 years with my daughter. Chances are this job isn't permanent as in forever. And if we find ourselves on better footing financially down the road, it is not like I am binded to stay there. It is a contract position so it really could end at any time realistically. So, all that considered, chances are I will be a SAHM once again. What would be nice is in 3 years when my daughter starts school full time, I could go back to school myself and be home when she is home. Most work at home deals are scams - I learned that pretty quickly. But after I finsish school and learn to become a better writer...maybe I actually CAN work from home doing something I really like. And yes, we could continue to scrape by. We have been able to do pretty okay these past 5 years on a VERY modest income.

Anyway, I think it is at least worth a try. But I completely see where you are coming from. I always wanted to be a SAHM. Always. That is why I waited until I was 30 to have a baby. But now after doing it for these past years, I have found that I have lost a part of myself I sorta miss. And while working as a glorified receptionist may not get that back for me...at least I won't be inside the house as much and out in the world. And being a SAHM is SO much more difficult (mentally, emotionally, even physically) than I ever expected. I dunno. I could be wrong. In that case...things can always change :)

Salty,

I hope you are right!! Can she order me some morphine while she's at it lol?

Posted by: Why Not? on November 7, 2007 9:09AM CST

Congrats on the job cheers, I'm sure you'll do great. To get back into the swing of things is a big and positive step, but I too understand the nervous feeling. I will be going back to school after 1.5 years off taking care of Mina. I'm supposed to go back into my last semester but decided to take it easy one semester to get back into the groove of things and then do my last semester after that. I'll start in January and i'm already freaking out.

Posted by: Gray Kitty on November 7, 2007 9:11AM CST

It sounds like a step forward to getting your future planned ( saving money for school ) for your ideal job as a Writer. I've read some of your articles Cheers, and I say you have a knack for it. About 7 years ago I read about a woman that learned to play the piano in her 60's and became a master at the piano. Don't wait til your 60 something to find your nitch is my point.

Posted by: Swedish Chef on November 7, 2007 9:22AM CST

Cheers, I think that once you get into it you will enjoy it and all it entails. I was apprehensive about going back to work after the birth of my son but I think it is one of the best decisions I have made. I like the fact that I am needed someplace besides my home. I like knowing that I contribute to our income. I like the fact my son gets exposed to others at daycare. Work is an outlet for me. It gives me a chance to still be an adult and not always mommy or wifey. I think once you are up and running with this you will find enjoyment in it.

Posted by: kkdither on November 7, 2007 9:59AM CST

It will actually make you a stronger person when you feel that you have this conquered. Your strength and confidence will be a great role model for your kids. I was nervous about doing everything when I returned to work. You will find you just get more organized and actually feel better about yourself with your new work identity added to the "Mom" title. The kids will thrive with other kids and learn great lessons about getting along with others. I think it will be a win-win situation if you like the job. Good luck. Let us know how it goes.

Posted by: Cheers on November 7, 2007 10:19AM CST

Thank you so much everyone. I SO appreciate the input and kind, encouraging words!!!!

Posted by: Lulu on November 7, 2007 10:48AM CST

I'd say go for it, Cheers! Going back to work, while it was surely a PITA sometimes when it came to childcare, was the best thing I could ever have done for my growth as an adult (and my mental health!). I think unless you have a sizable circle of friends, plenty of family and several outside interests/activities, staying at home is very hard. It was for me... I homeschooled as well for a couple years, and saw my kids go from really vivacious, outgoing kids to being very shy and introverted-- I think the isolation from their peers affected them exactly as it affected me (I have been going thru photos all week, and the difference in their faces is striking! Jacob looked downright glum, and now still struggles with making friends, but he's getting better.) It blew their confidence for a couple years, and now that we're back in the world we're all working on getting our grooves back!
At work, I've discovered things about myself that I never would have learned, like: I really *like* people (always thought I was a bit of a loner)! I'm great at making people laugh when they're stressed out, which makes me a really good nurse, and that I'm a LOT braver then I ever thought I could be, re-entering hospital nursing and learning a new department every few weeks as a pool nurse. Talk about a confidence booster!
The boosts I get from parenting are great as well, but as your kids get older the boosts are fewer and more far between (and can be absent pretty much from ages 12 to 14, lol!), and as they are growing and developing interests outside the family (as they should), I need to grow as well.
Good luck! Enjoy this time of new challenges and excitement:-) (I start another new job this week again, so wish me luck, too!)

Posted by: TinainNC on November 7, 2007 10:50AM CST

Cheers, some people work years at a company and still don't make $13.00 per hour. I make a little more than that but I've been working at a bank for 9 years now. That sounds like a working mother's dream job. I think you should go for it. If you can wear jeans or whatever that's even a better plus. I work the back office of the bank (operations) and we get to wear jeans everyday also. I remember when we had to dress up and wear hose to work everyday, dry cleaning alone would eat up a good part of my income. Do you go everyday or whenever you want? I could handle working 5 hours a day (10 - 2 ) (11 - 4), still plenty of time to do some errands in the morning and afternoon. Go For Girl !!!!!

Posted by: Cheers on November 7, 2007 11:01AM CST

cyndi,

Well, being a RN I can totally see the mental and emotional benefit. There is a huge cry between an office assistant and a nurse!! The satesfaction nursing would provide...that must be so worthwhile and wonderful. I only wish I could do that. (and dont say I can, because I would NEVER get hired and I think you know why).

But I know what you mean. And I do think it can help me mentally regardless of the position. And I do certainly wish you luck!!!

Tina,
Yea, I THINK (not all details are carved in stone yet) I will be working M-F 9-2...around those hours. He said as long as it is between the hours of 7:30am and 3:30pm.

Thank you :)

Posted by: Swedish Chef on November 7, 2007 11:16AM CST

I know this is off of the topic but...hey Cyndi, I am a nurse too!

Posted by: Getting Screwed Over by Mt Pleasant on November 7, 2007 11:28AM CST

Hey Cheers,
If it don't work out for you, point me in that direction...

Posted by: haileysmom on November 7, 2007 11:30AM CST

Cheers -

You will do just fine. Kids are reslilient creatures. I think your more afraid of being away from your daughter then of going back to work.
Once you both are in ther "routine" - you will realize that things will be fine.

Good luck!

Posted by: Cheers on November 7, 2007 11:38AM CST

GSOBMP,

Okay :)

Hailysmom,

I think you may be right. I was crying last night thinking about missing her. And then she ran through the kitchen screaming and attacking the cat. My husband said, "And you are going to miss WHAT?" She is so naughty right now, but she is still so sweet and FUNNY...I really will miss her even though she drives me batty at times!!

Posted by: Why Not? on November 7, 2007 12:13PM CST

Off subject too but Cyndi and Swedish Chef i'm going to school to be a nurse!!.. =D Do you gals work in Racine? I have a friend that works there in Racine too.. I'll be back someday to Racine or somewhere near by might end up there.

Posted by: Swedish Chef on November 7, 2007 12:27PM CST

I work in Milwaukee. I also live in Milwaukee.

Posted by: Lulu on November 7, 2007 12:31PM CST

I work in Burlington, Racine, and Kenosha (but mostly in Burlington these days-- it's nice to be close to home!) Burlington is a super nice place to work, too:-) Good luck to you in your studies-- I used to work at a local communtiy college for a few years, I really miss the students... There are sooooo many things you can do with your degree; I think I've done at least 20 myself (lol!)!

Posted by: Why Not? on November 7, 2007 12:57PM CST

Anything you recommend? I'm thinking that a surgical nurse would be interesting.

Posted by: Lulu on November 7, 2007 1:35PM CST

Surgeons are..... *interesting* (or so I've heard, never worked directly with any except the Neurologists, but not in surgery).

There are the places I've worked (most recent first), lemme know if you have questions:

Surgical admissions (pre op workups)
Pain Clinic (epidural steroid injections)
Neurology Clinic/Neurosurgeon's clinic
GI
Infusion
Day Surgery
Walk In Clinic
Camp Nurse
LPN Instructor/Nursing Skills Lab assistant
Public Health/school nurse
Community Educator
WIC-- breastfeeding educator
Women's Health/Postpartum

For my family, I've avoided jobs that have you working every other weekend as much as I can, and so far I've shied away from Med/Surg, ICU and ER (too specialized), but maybe someday...

The first 8 are all the ones I am trained to do now on an as needed basis, and are all my favorites:-)

Posted by: Cheers on November 7, 2007 1:48PM CST

You guys are making me SO jealous!!

:)

Posted by: Why Not? on November 7, 2007 1:48PM CST

My thesis was on post operative pain in a thorax postoperative ward. Was very interesting so did a bit of research on pain so i guess that would be something to get into. I dont know what a Camp Nurse is. The problem with studying in Swedish it makes it hard to know what everything translates into. I had one of my clinicals on a gyn ward post operative there as well. Really liked that. I think womens health somehow would really fit my personality. I like surgery mostly because i really like seeing the surgeries done. I had a clinical on a day surgery on a hand clinic. Like i said i'm not exactly sure what the correct wording is for everything so it's possible you dont understand what i'm talking about.. =\

Posted by: haileysmom on November 7, 2007 2:08PM CST

Cheers -

I can relate. I miss my daughter every day. I have to work. I wish I didnt, but our finances dictate otherwise. My daughter spent the night at her sisters house a few weeks ago. It was the first time hubby & I had a night alone in a VERY long time. What did I want to do when we got home from dinner? I wanted to CALL my baby! I missed her. I didnt - I knew if I did, she would want to come home. So I do know how you feel. But one thing I have learned from working full time - you make the most of the time you have with her. Dishes & laundry can wait - she can't. When she is grown, she wont recall if the dishes were done, or if the dust bunnies were cleaned out from under the fridge - but she will remember the times spent with you. Thats priceless! =)

Posted by: Why Not? on November 7, 2007 2:14PM CST

I cant imagine how i'm going to be when i have to send Mina off to daycare for the first time and then go to school for a whole day without having her by my side.. I'm dreading the thought. I'll probably cry like a baby.

Posted by: Swedish Chef on November 7, 2007 2:17PM CST

I am a geriatric nurse. I like working with the elderly. I work every other weekend and it works for us. This way we save on daycare and my husband gets alone time with my son. I also like having off during the week to get things done like blog. lol I work 3 days a week so my son goes to daycare 2 days out of the week. It is a nice break for the both of us and keeps us sane.

Posted by: Cheers on November 7, 2007 2:21PM CST

Hailysmom,

Now you have me all sad again... :(

I guess we will still have our afternoons together...and weekends of course.

Posted by: Cheers on November 7, 2007 2:22PM CST

When I had to type in the code letters just now to post my reply...the letters were C O W...I am now very offended you damn JT Website!!! How rude.

Posted by: Lulu on November 7, 2007 2:29PM CST

Me, I just like to work anyplace where it's unlikely anyone will up and die on me:-) Emotionally, I only have so much to give at work since I have to come home at the end of the day and give my family 100%-- thus I tend to choose the easier/less stressful jobs.
A Camp Nurse works at a children's summer camp, providing health care to the campers. It's a summer gig I do mainly so my kids can go for free;-) Mostly you are on hand to help if an emergency comes along (until the rescue squad gets there), apply calamine lotion, and hand out *lots and lots* of prescription medications to the kiddos (we're a "better living thru chemistry" sort of country, esp when it comes to busy parents who medicate their unruly kids and send them to summer camp so they can get a break!).
Women's health in your country might be better than what we have here; I am more of a Nurse Midwife/homebirth girl, and couldn't stomach all the unnecessary interventions we do here in the states (elective inductions, a near 100% epidural rate, poor breastfeeding support, high c-section rates with no VBAC's allowed, etc and etc). I got out of Women's Health as fast as my chubby little legs could carry me-- I almost left nursing I hated it so much (I say it's where I "lost my mojo").

Posted by: Cheers on November 7, 2007 2:39PM CST

Out of curiousity, are you anti-epidural Cyndi? I had some serious issues when I gave birth as well. But I found that they did NOT want to give me that epi!! I begged and begged...I was dying for real. Finally my Doc came in a practically scolded the RN that kept refusing me. He knew me and could see how horrible the pain was effecting me and my HR.

I will say that I was induced and I think that had A LOT to do with the length and horrendous pain I had (2 epidurals and I still had to "leave" my body at one point in those 26 hours of HARD labor). Cass was almost 2 weeks late and so I was induced with cytotec. Oh it was awful I tell ya.

THEN...as I was pushing (the last hour or the 5-6 hours of pushing) my husband and mom realized that the pitocin drip wasn't working and I guess it hadnt been in a long time. Because of that my placenta didn't deliver. And I am sure you know what that means.

Anyway, all that and I even felt the stitches (not that you care about stitches after giving birth). So, next time - even tho it is unlikely there will be a next time - I want to request an elective C Section!! And skip the epi...just knock my ass out, because obviously those do not work for me anyway!!

Sorry...was that too graphic??? LOL.

Posted by: Why Not? on November 7, 2007 2:56PM CST

wow.. sounds not so nice. I dont know too much about that kinda stuff here. Only worked on the post op (mainly dealing with different types of cancer, miscarriages, tubal pregnancies) it was a emotionally difficult but i liked comforting those that needed comfort. My experience with giving birth is they have midwives, I didnt meet one doctor my whole pregnancy or delivery. The doctors just kinda keep an eye on whats happening and intervene if needed, epidurals are not extremely common but happen mostly use happy gas. i was in labor for 40+ hours and there was no talk of C-section as long as the baby was doing well it was just to continue. They were going to induce me after being 2 weeks overdue but she decided to come on her own terms the night before they were going to induce. They used accupressure and accupuncture to help me out in the last part of delivery. Although breastfeeding is very much expected here (I mean they are almost militant about it) I didnt experience much help when i was having difficulty producing enough. They did help me the first days to get the latch right. I got to choose how long i wanted to stay at the hospital and my husband could stay with me and even got his own bed. I thought that was very nice.

What is VBAC? Midwives are legal in Wisconsin? whenever we move back to the states i would like to deal with a midwife or a doula i think they are called cause i felt teh support going into delivery was lacking. they asked me if i knew how to push and i had to honestly say no. got very little in breathing techniques.

cheers, i would sue!! how rude thats just uncalled for!!

Posted by: Lulu on November 7, 2007 3:12PM CST

No, not anti epidural-- I just don't believe all women need them (unless they're being induced-- I can't believe they didn't honor your request for one!) Usually the opposite is true-- it is more common that they STRONGLY encourage you to have one, so your labor is easier to manage from a medical POV, which is what I wold object to.
I'll help you next time you have a baby; I completed the doula training and can go to loggerheads with the staff for you (esp since I know most of them at all the hospitals in a tri county area!).
Lay midwives are neither legal nor illegal in Wisconsin, you just have to pick carefully, as they each come with their own criteria for what they think is "safe" and what qualifies for them as training (there's no set legal standard as of yet that's universally recognized). Some clearly are better and safer than others. Nurse midwives are used quite a bit in larger cities such as Milwaukee and Madison, and some smaller, underserved communities and Indian reservations. We have a wonderful CNM at Lakeland hospital in Elkhorn. VBAC= "vaginal birth after cesarean". Most practitioners in the country will no longer allow a vaginal birth after a cesarean anymore... thank god the only babies I'm having these days are puppies! I do feel bad for my daughter and hope she has some good options left when she decides to have children.

Posted by: my2sense on November 7, 2007 3:17PM CST

Well Cheer I guess I'm going to give you my usual two sided opinion.
First off, I've learned if something sounds too good to be be true it generally is. Esp. when it comes to jobs :( But hey if it totally bites then you can always leave, and go back to a one income family and you being a SAHM.
On another note I say give this a try. Sounds like a pretty sweet deal and like Tina said $13/hour is nothing to sneeze at. I too am a 'glorified receptionist' but do have a degree and have doing doing administrative work for years. I make about that. :( Granted I have EXCELLENT benefits that totally make up for a higher salary. Or if I had to pay more for insurance. But still....$13/hour with no experience in the work force for the past 5 years! WOW, sounds like you really lucked out and this DID just fall into your lap.
Use this opportunity to get as much info, training, skills, contacts as you can. Esp. since as you admit this probably wont be your 'dream job ' or career.
How long will your daughter need to be in daycare? Does she go to school at all as of now? I think if you look at it as a 'play date' for her it will help to ease your worries. She will develop friendships, learn pre-K skills. I highly recommend pre-school or play groups if even just once a week even for SAHM. *Before going back into administrative work I went to school for ECE and was a pre=school teacher. SOOO NOT my calling :)
Like I said give it a try. What could it hurt? Like you I waited till I was financially secure and a little older (27) to have my son. You NEVER know what the future holds. Sorry not trying to say you & hubby will divorce or he'll fall ill, lose job..but you get what I'm saying right?
I never intended to be a single mom, but I'm glad I have the skill set to be able to support my son and myself *ok with a little help from my dad ;-)
And it sounds like what I do to make a living is what you have an opportunity to do part-time for just extra income. Must be nice :) Just DO IT! Sounds like a great opportunity. One alot of other would love to have.

Posted by: haileysmom on November 7, 2007 3:38PM CST

Sorry to make u sad hon!

I surely didnt mean too!!

Posted by: rak on November 7, 2007 8:42PM CST

Cheers you'll do great. Getting away from your daughter for a little while each day may actually be therapeutic (adult contact, confidence booster, etc). It's not easy I know, but be greatful that you were able to stay home with her the first 3 years. Taylor's been in daycare since she was 10 weeks old - I would have loved to have had 3 years with her. Anyway congratulations and don't let it stress you out, you'll be fine.

Hailey'smom - update - DD actually ended up getting 2 Bratz dolls for her birthday. Unfortunately, she likes them better than her Barbies but I think that's because she likes that their feet come off (that's how you change their shoes).

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