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Mommy Talk
Going Back to Work...And REALLY Nervous....
Posted by:
Cheers on
November 7, 2007 at
8:14AM CST
Well, it looks like I am entering back into the workforce. And yes, I am freaking out about it. I wasn’t really looking for work. I had decided that I would just continue to stay home until Cassidy started school full time. But then this job just happened to fall into my lap and being that we could really use the money, I felt I had to take it – perhaps it was a sign. But I have so many reservations and I am quite nervous for several reasons. It is a part time Managerial Assistant position. It is about 25 hours a week. Pay is not great, but something I guess. No benefits. It seems like it will be pretty laid back. I think I can wear jeans or whatever to work. So that is nice. And I will be doing basic office/computer work which shouldn’t take me long to learn as I have done that sort of thing for many years. I will be working hours where I will pretty much be there alone – the techs will all be gone by the time I get there and I will leave before they return. There are two managers in that garage and they will be there on and off. I do like working alone. So that is nice too. It appears I don’t even have to interview for the job. They are sending me the paperwork (W4s, Drug Screen Waiver, etc) in the mail and once I return them, they will send me to get a drug test. I guess after that I will start working. I know it sounds like a decent opportunity, but for some reason I cannot stop worrying. I haven’t worked outside the home in 5 years. And even more, I have been with my daughter everyday for over 3 years. And while I know she will greatly benefit from going to “school” 5 days a week...it breaks my heart. Also, I am so used to just being able to go as I please everyday. Take a shower when I feel like it...not wear make up if I don’t want to...go grocery shopping in the morning when it is slow...if I am not feeling great or super tired, I can take it easy. Not that being a stay at home mom is easy. Even when I am wearing my PJs I still have to do all my mom/wife/runner of the home stuff. But at least that can be at my own pace. Especially in the winter. I hate driving in the winter...and now, when I don’t want to – I just stay home. Now I have to get up every morning and fix myself up, get her ready and drive across town regardless of weather. Plus, mornings are the hardest for me. Always have been. I think I just take to change poorly. It scares me. Not to mention the ‘what ifs’. What if I have a hard time learning their system? What if I hate it? What if after daycare and gas it isn’t worth it financially? I am such a negative nelly. I know. It’s terrible. I know Cass needs to get around other people/kids more. I know she needs to learn things I cannot always teach her. I know I need to get out and around other adults too. I need time away from home very much, but for some reason, that scares me. What I probably need the most scares me the most. How screwed up is that??!! And yes, like I said, a few extra bucks certainly won’t hurt. Especially this time of year (Christmas and property taxes – yuck). I just wish I could stop worrying and feel more excited and relaxed about this. Perhaps once I get there the dreaded anticipation will fade and I will find a new groove. God, I hope so. Anyone else go through this and have these feelings? Any words of wisdom??
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