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Mommy Talk
December 2008
Monday December 29, 2008
Posted by: Janine Anderson at 11:01AM CST on December 29, 2008
Did you have a favorite holiday moment this year?
For me, it was getting to spend the entire day with my family. Something we haven't been able to do for years. We got to see the babies open gifts for the first time, we played video games (even my dad!) and had plenty of time for visiting. It was fantastic. How about a favorite toy experience for your kids? Henry was absolutely enamored with his new wooden blocks. He kept saying "wooo!" and showing them to everyone at our house on Christmas Eve. Christmas Day, he fell in love with some wooden puzzles that my sisters gave to him. Anyone else have a story to share? Wednesday December 24, 2008
Posted by: Janine Anderson at 7:29AM CST on December 24, 2008
My heart has exploded. If you’re a mom, I love you. If you’re a child, I love you. If you take care of children, I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. Having Henry opened my heart wider than I ever thought possible. It thrust me beyond the place I used to live, where my body was what I protected. And each time his needs came before mine, I knew I wasn’t the only one who had done this. I wasn’t the only one with a bruised backside after falling backwards with no hands to break her fall because her baby was in her arms. I wasn’t the only one hungry, because I made the baby’s dinner first. I wasn’t the only one going to work with bleary eyes because the baby kept me up at night. I wasn’t the only one. Some other baby, somewhere, was doing the same thing. Some other mother, somewhere, was doing the same thing. There are a lot of things about being a mother that are wonderful in the heart-bursting, belly laugh, oh-what-joy! sort of way. I talk about those things to people all the time. I tell stories about Henry’s little baby language, where he’s saying all kinds of things that we just can’t understand. I tell them about his funny attempts to crawl, his big hugs, how he’s learning to wave bye-bye and give high five. People know that he’s started to say “no,” when he’s frustrated. Like the other day, when he really wanted the tiny dump truck at the bottom of his toy bin. Standing up, reaching into the crate as far as he could, wasn’t working. His arm was too short. So he started telling me just how bad things were. “Nononononono!” he said. Then he looked up. And repeated it. “Nononononono!” I laughed. Then I went over and got the dump truck. A minute later, we repeated it with the garbage truck. But there are also things that aren’t so wonderful, and I don’t talk about those quite as much. Sure, I talk about Henry’s night-time wake-ups and my fear that he’s not on track, but those are the kinds of things you expect when you become a parent. I have yet to meet a parent who hasn’t had those worries at one point or another. But there are days when I’m so tired and irritated that I put Henry in his jumpy thing, turn on Sesame Street or a toddler cartoon and do something just for me (like read a book at the dining room table). There are times when I feel I don’t have any more energy, any more joy or love or anything else to give, and I have no choice but to let that pretense of perfection go. If I try to hold on to it I get testy and snippy and start asking questions like “When will someone take care of me?” I feel like I’m 15 again, full of ego and angst and with the firm belief that I’m a much bigger deal than I really am. Why do I pretend that everything is always fine? What am I so afraid of? That someone might know that being a mom is tough? That there are times that my little kiddo — whom I love dearly, always will, and always have — makes me crazy? What mom doesn’t have those moments? I have two dear, dear friends (both moms themselves) who have told me several times that I need to stop being so hard on myself.So do you. I know that no matter how tired am, no matter how little energy I think I have, I’ve got a job to do, and it’s a job I love. I know you’ve all been there. I’m a mom. Sometimes that job is giving hugs and sometimes it’s changing a diaper. Sometimes it’s taking a moment to quiet my inner teenager before opening my mouth, and sometimes it’s a hard landing on a flight of stairs. Sometimes it means the house won’t get cleaned to perfection before company comes over because there are other, more important things to do with my time. Like building another tower of blocks so Henry can knock it down. So, here’s to you, moms. Here’s to the unsung moments when you do for your children before you do for yourself. I wish you peace, joy and love in the new year. Monday December 22, 2008
Posted by: Janine Anderson at 3:31PM CST on December 22, 2008
We took Henry sledding at Lockwood Park on Saturday and pulled him along the snowy sidewalk in a little sled. He seemed to enjoy it. But he seems to enjoy just about everything.
I sat him on top of one of the huge piles of shoveled snow next to our driveway. He loved that, too. Every time we walk outside, he gets excited. Something about the cold air on his cheeks gets him going. It's easy for me to hide inside when it gets snowy and cold out, though I remember loving sledding, ice skating, building forts, making snow angels and trying to walk on top of the crusted snow. What kinds of things do you do with your kids in the winter? Monday December 15, 2008
Posted by: eyoung at 11:48AM CST on December 15, 2008
Back in September, my daughter came home from her third day of first grade with a new classroom rule: "We don’t talk about pencils." "What?" I asked at the time, confused. "We don’t talk about pencils," she repeated. "If they break, or if they need to be sharper, or if we drop them on the floor or something. We don’t talk about pencils." "Ahh," I said, finally getting it. After all, if every first-grader announced every dull tip or dropped pencil to the class, the class wouldn’t get a whole lot done. "Yep," my daughter told me. "You’re just supposed to quietly get a different one." No complaining, no drama. Just get a different one and keep working. We adults should follow that rule in our lives, I muttered to myself at the time. Some days I think all we talk about are pencils. It’s now been three months since that conversation, but my first-grader’s Pencil Rule pops constantly into my head. Anytime I find myself complaining about something really ridiculous, I hear her little voice saying so simply, "We don’t talk about pencils." It’s a profound life lesson, really. (Not bad for day three of first grade.) Breathe in, breathe out, move on. Grown-ups, of course, are a long way from first grade, so it’s natural that we forget the basics. And grown-up life is full of annoyances: Long lines, slow trains, inconsiderate drivers, incorrect bills. The holidays only seem to super-size life’s inconveniences: Longer lines. Grumpier drivers. Winter storms that slow us down. "Save $10!" coupons that are only good during certain hours, on certain days, on certain things. Grrr. We’re dropping our pencils all over the place — cracking ice scrapers on frozen windshields, losing gift receipts in scraps of wrapping paper, battling holiday crowds when we’re hungry and tired. So we vent. ("I got all the way home before I remembered the gift cards, can you believe it?!") And we vent. ("He’s so picky I could wrap up a million bucks and he’d return it ‘cause it wasn’t green enough.") And really, when you think about it? Pencils. My children have been driving me a little nuts the last few weeks. We’ve had more sister-to-sister bickering and middle-of-the-mall meltdowns than my patience can handle. Over the weekend, in the middle of Mayfair Mall, I actually barked at one of my daughters: "You’re acting like a 2-year-old and I need you to act like a grown-up." I immediately realized what a completely ridiculous request I had made. First of all, she’s 6. Second of all, it’s not like we grown-ups are so well-mannered. I probably should have said instead: "I need you to act like a first-grader." We could all stand to take a lesson from the old blackboards and remember those classroom rules. • Be kind with our words and actions. • Listen while others are talking. • Wait your turn. • Wear gym shoes on gym days. (Grown-up translation: Winter boots!) • Always do your best work. And of course, my favorite, the Pencil Rule. "You’re just supposed to quietly get a different one," my 6-year-old told me that September afternoon — back when the air was warm, and the trees were green, and the hassles of winter coats and holiday crowds seemed eons away. Breathe in, breathe out, move on. Another lesson learned from my children. Now if paint spills on your shoes? Well, that, I imagine, is worth talking about. What are some other grade-school rules that we grown-ups should follow? -- Elizabeth Suggest a topic for Mommy Talk. Write to elizabeth.young@lee.net
Friday December 12, 2008
Posted by: mlaehr at 1:57PM CST on December 12, 2008
The boys’ winter coats from last year still fit. If you haven’t guessed already, I’m counting my blessings. - Go to the Singing Christmas Tree program at Racine Assembly of God Church. If I don’t get to paint my toenails or watch Rudolph, I’m not going to cry about it. I’ve sufficiently talked myself into the Christmas spirit. And I’m not going to waste another minute not enjoying it. Wednesday December 10, 2008
Posted by: Janine Anderson at 10:21AM CST on December 10, 2008
For the past few weeks I've been trying to find matching Christmas outfits for Henry and his cousin Oliver. It seemed like every store I went to had rack after rack of holiday clothes for little girls (tartan plaid dresses, anyone?), and nothing for boys.
I didn't want anything too fancy. Henry still crawls, and Oliver's not quite doing that yet, so if it was too stiff they wouldn't be able to move much. Little suits weren't what I had in mind. Red sweaters, maybe. Or sweater vests. Button down shirts. Nothing. I ended up at Old Navy over the weekend and found some great things. (I love fair isle knits.) I also got Henry a fabulous romper, with this goofy rectangular reindeer dude on it and the word "peace." It was so great to finally see a holiday outfit that wasn't about Santa, being naughty or nice, selling kisses or demanding presents. Presents are a part of the Christmas tradition. I know this. They're a part of our tradition as well. But is it really necessary to dress our kids in outfits that glorify desire? When I paid for the clothes I bought at Old Navy, the holiday outfits came out of our holiday gift savings. As I went through the complicated motions of separating items out and making sure I took money from the right pocket, I explained what I was doing to the cashier.She said more and more people are coming in with cash this year. They're telling her similar stories. The cash is what they've got for gifts. Nothing's going on plastic this year. That way they can keep track of how much they have to spend and how much is left. Driving Downtown last week I thought about the house we live in. It was built in 1928. Back then, it probably housed a family of four or five. When I was little, we never went out to eat.My mom has told us how she had five outfits for school when she was young. At some point between 1928 and 2008 it became normal for us to have everything we wanted. That can't be healthy. We have friends who exchange hand-made gifts with their families every year. I want to take that idea and bring it to my family. What kinds of gifts could we give if we weren't going to shop for them? We can make cookies for my brother-in-law, who can't get enough of Scott's chocolate chip cookies. I could dedicate time to teach my sister Lisa how to knit. I could finally knit my sister Cheryl the hooded scarf she has been asking for for years. We could make time for a family dinner with my parents every eight weeks, so they can see Henry more often. What gifts could you give? Friday December 5, 2008
Posted by: mlaehr at 11:35AM CST on December 5, 2008
When I was in grade school, parents around the country were getting into fist fights over Cabbage Patch Kids. They wanted them so badly to give to their children for Christmas, they started punching and pushing each other in the stores to get the dolls. I couldn’t believe it when I opened my very own blonde haired, blue eyed Cabbage Patch doll named Anna on Christmas Day. I was SO excited. It never occurred to me that my parents had gone the extra mile to get it. I asked my mom about it recently. She said she and my dad went to Zayre’s at 6 a.m. one morning and stood in line waiting for the store to open - just so they could be among the first shoppers and get me a Cabbage Patch Kid. Until a few days ago, I never understood all the hoopla over the “must have” toys of the year. Did people REALLY fight over Tickle Me Elmos? Yup. Do people REALLY think it’s worth it to get up at 4 a.m. and stand in line to make sure they get their hands on the hottest electronics? Yup. Will people REALLY pay incredible amounts of money online for toys that will be in the store at one-third of the price in four weeks? Yup. Do people REALLY scour the stores for that hard-to-find toy, calling to see when a delivery is coming in, checking online, stopping in on their lunch hours? Yup. And this year I was one of them. Well, doing the calling and scouring - NOT the fighting or getting up early part. At 5 and 6 my boys haven’t really been bit by the video game bug yet, but a few months ago they had a BALL playing with my nephew’s Wii. They absolutely fell in love with it, and it topped both of their Christmas lists this year. My husband - always the optimist - said we should wait to buy it because he had gotten a coupon to be used this weekend for Toys R Us that would give us a good percentage off the $250 Wii system. I reluctantly agreed we could wait. Then I get an email from Liz, my fellow mommy co-worker, saying she couldn’t find a Wii anywhere. Her girls also want one for Christmas. Uh-oh. Outside of a few stocking stuffers and pjs, that was going to be my boys’ one and only gift this year from Santa. What were we going to do if we couldn’t find it? I started calling stores. I started scouring online. I started to panic. We found one, more out of luck than effort. And I can not tell you the relief and joy I felt the moment I knew we had that stupid game system for our kids. Looking back, I feel a little ridiculous. The world wouldn’t have ended if we didn’t get the boys a Wii. They would have been perfectly happy with their pjs, Ben 10 Alien Force watches, crayons and whatever crazy Star Wars gifts we would have bought to replace the Wii. So really, isn’t it the parents who MUST have the Elmo’s and Buzz Lightyears and Game Boys and Cabbage Patch Kids? Then I think about how I must have looked that Christmas morning opening my Cabbage Patch. It was more than 20 years ago and I REMEMBER how excited I was. I’ve realized the extra effort parents put into getting the perfect, hard-to-get-a-hold-of present only makes the joy on their kids’ faces that much more special Christmas morning. Maybe it’s not sensible or practical or economical, but so what? It’s Christmas. Hello, my name is Marci and I am a crazed Christmas shopper ... P.S. This is NOT an endorsement for other parents to go nuts getting the hottest toys, no matter the cost. Please do not punch or push anyone at the store this shopping season. It’s not nice. It doesn’t set a good example for your kids. You probably will end up arrested instead of in the check out line with whatever it was you wanted. Wednesday December 3, 2008
Posted by: Janine Anderson at 3:05PM CST on December 3, 2008
Every month four or five parenting magazines show up in my mailbox. I'm not officially subscribed to any of them - at least I don't pay for a subscription to any of them - but I read each and every one.
Inside each of them is a combination of stories that freak me out and give me comfort. Reading them is a great way to get me nervous about the future and the present, while putting the past to rest. There's the stories about newborns, which I get to read for nostalgia these days. The other night I read one that summed up what newborns do as eat, sleep, cry and poop. Those days, if you put Henry down somewhere, that's where he stayed. Now, he makes a beeline for the cat's water dish. There are stories about milestones - when a baby can be expected to get first teeth, to roll over, to crawl. What they should weigh, how much they should eat, sleep, poop or cry.I can't help but compare Henry to those glossy pages of idealized babies. His gummy grin (with one tooth now!) to the rows of pearly baby teeth. His army crawl to the standers and walkers his age. His adorable baby babble to other kids' mama, dada and bottle. It's the same sort of thing that happens when I take him to the doctor and fill out the developmental questionnaire. It's always a bit of an anxious moment when I have to circle the first no. I have these moments of mental anguish. Can he get to a sitting position from lying down? I've never seen him, but does that mean he can't? Or is it just that he hasn't? I skip it, then go back after I've circled two other 'no's: he's not standing up on his own and he's not using words to refer to things. What does this mean? Anything? Nothing? So I go home, pick up the most recent parenting magazine to land in the mailbox, and read. I feel better about the walking, but worse about the word use. Some days I want to holler at him - just do it already! - and others I'm cherishing what very well could be the last time he falls asleep in my arms. I'd love for him to say "Mama" when he sees me, but I can't get enough of the nonsensical baby stories he tells me. No clue what he's saying, but they're hilarious. He even cracks himself up.That's what I should be doing with my time: Paying attention to his baby-ness. Who cares about those photoshopped babies in the magazines? They're not the ones knocking down block towers or playing a plastic piano. When I realize I've been worrying instead of watching it throws me back into what's going on. He changes so much, even day to day, that it's hard to keep up. I hope I remember these things. I hope I never forget how he giggles at the lion cubs and the spider monkeys at the zoo, how the unexpected sight of the cat's tail is cause for celebration, how he strokes his ear to get to sleep. While talking with my sister about what my 6-month-old nephew's been up to, I realized I almost forgot Henry's futile early attempts at crawling, balanced on his baby belly, arms and legs moving, and going nowhere. Some day, I likely won't remember the way his baby voice sounded, hollering ba-bao! in fancy shoe stores in Wicker Park, or how he made friends with the sailors on the train. Why worry about whether he's saying any words yet or whether he's let go of the coffee table to toddle off into the living room. Judging by how grandmothers have pulled baby books out to see when my husband and I did things, it's obvious I'm going to remember very few of these details, especially 30 years from now. Gift Guide 2: More Fabulous Finds from Racine's Specialty Stores
Posted by: eyoung at 11:54AM CST on December 3, 2008
In Monday’s Mommy Talk, I highlighted some of the marvelous toys and other children’s gifts available in Racine’s specialty stores, from JoJo’s Toys and Moxie Child downtown to Red Bell in West Racine. Today I’ve got some gift ideas for the grown-ups in your life. As special sections editor at The Journal Times, I get to spend a few weeks in October and November perusing the aisles of Racine’s shops and boutiques looking for gifts to highlight in the newspaper’s various gift guides. Now, I realize that I’m no Oprah Winfrey, and Mommy Talk readers won’t find one of everything underneath their chairs or outside their front doors ... but here’s a list of some of my favorite things from my days shopping locally. *** Please add your own favorite stores and finds!
• I often shop for my Boston-residing history professor brother and Manhattan-residing architecture-loving sister in the gift shop of the Racine Art Museum, 441 Main St. Here I can find things they didn’t know they’ve always wanted. (And I don’t have to listen to any ridiculous claims that you can only buy cool presents in Boston and New York City.) This year I like the weird baby head glass tumblers, the huge selection of beautiful decorative dishes, and the Moma Ice Cream Set (in slideshow). These sleek, smooth ceramic cups make ice cream a special treat. Plus they’re petite — built-in portion control! A set of four cups ($18) includes four metal tasting spoons. • Have you been in Upurea yet? If not, drop everything you’re doing and go directly to 304 Main St. The store opened about a month ago and smells absolutely delicious. Upurea specializes in organic, natural skin care and hair products, cosmetics, fragrances, and more. (My hands are craving Juara hand lotion just typing this ...) For gifts, consider Tsi-La mini Eau De Parfums (see slideshow). The lovely scents come in equally lovely little bottles, packaged in Tsi-La’s signature black lotus box ($45, or a four-scent set for $95). Or DANI Soy Wax Candles in scents like Grapefruit Ginger, Bamboo & Birch, or Basil Lemongrass ($14-$24, see slideshow). Look for Coffee Lovers and Tea Lovers scented lip balms by Crazy Rumors; a set of three is $12. And fill her stocking with $10 eco-friendly soaps by skinnyskinny — the company practices top-to-bottom eco-friendly manufacturing, including purchasing wind-power for electricity and creating packaging completely from recycled, reclaimed or biodegradable materials. • Northern Lights Gallery, 423 Main St., has beautiful gifts — make that beautiful, affordable gifts. Tell them your price range, and they’ll help you find the perfect present — even if it’s under $10! For her, start at the jewelry counter. We like the new charms from Pilgrim Jewelry in Denmark (see slideshow). Choose silver or gold; gems, flowers, lockets and more. Charms can be combined or worn alone. Charms range from $10.95 to $24.95; bracelets and necklaces are $19.95 each. Northern Lights Gallery also sells beautiful handcrafted art-glass nail files in ruby-red velvet sleeves. They really work, and they last a lifetime — plus they’re suitable for natural or artificial nails and promote nail health. Prices range from $14 to $22, but don’t hesitate; according to the owners, they keep reordering because the files keep selling out. • Green gifts are in. Inside-Out sells a bunch, from candlesticks made from recycled copper wire, to jewelry made from old comic strips, to an "eco-chic" tote made from the inner tube of an old tire. Each bag is handcrafted and one-of-a-kind, decorated with markings or imperfection’s from the rubber’s previous life on the road. It makes a great travel bag, said owner Jane Key. It’s big enough to fit a laptop. Or whatever else you’re lugging around. ($54.75 at Inside-Out, 406 Main St.) • Every time I go into Artistry Furniture & Gift Gallery, 512 Monument Square, I wonder why I ever bother to fight the crowds inside a Crate & Barrel or Pottery Barn. This store has everything — jewelry, bags, dishes, glassware, elegant stationary sets, gourmet teas, baby gifts, super-squishy stuffed animals, amazing throws and accent pillows, and furniture that I’d gleefully purchase for every room in my house. But what I really love are the store’s amazing picture frames ... and wall art ... and candles ... and designer insulated lunch totes ... and monogrammed housewares that should cost more than $21-$32 ... and OK, you caught me. I love everything in this store. Oh, and note to husband: Your daughters and your wife would look fabulous in the Jessie Steele aprons I mentioned on the children’s gift guide Mommy Talk. Get us the black and white matching Josephine Cafe Toile. • Elegant Pauper, 441 Main St., is another store with so much great stuff inside that I can’t even try to tell you half of it. I’ll just say a few things: Barefoot Contessa dessert kits (around $12), Cucina kitchen products, funny and funky gifts like cookbooks and pet presents with sayings I can’t print here. For gal pals: inSTAMPables stationary and custom stamp sets. For college sports fans: Game Day ceramics featuring teams of the Big Ten (see slideshow). For mom: Mariposa aluminum serveware. And the gift you should buy yourself: The Finders Key Purse. It’s a key ring with a built-in pretty hook that you slip over the side of your bag. No more digging for your keys in the bottom of your purse. A $10 purchase that, seriously, made me feel like a much more organized human being. ... (more)Monday December 1, 2008
Posted by: eyoung at 12:40PM CST on December 1, 2008
My 4-year-old surprised me – and Santa – last week when a spur-of-the-moment visit with the Big Guy yielded a new Christmas wish: "A Dorothy wig and Wizard of Oz shoes!" she told him. I’m sure he had the same thought I did: "You couldn’t have told me this last month, when all the Halloween stuff was on sale?" No worries, though. She’ll change her mind a dozen times before Christmas Eve. Besides, shopping for my children is the easy part of holiday shopping. It’s everyone else on my list that takes work. Anyway, I’m hoping the following gift ideas make your holiday shopping chores a little easier. Here at the JT, I get to spend a few weeks looking for great gifts at local stores to highlight in the newspaper’s various gift guides. Here are a few of the children’s gifts I’ve found in Racine’s specialty stores; please add your own finds too. JUST YOUR IMAGINATION ... • If your children love Playmobil as much as mine do, you’ll want to head to The Red Bell, 3201 Washington Ave. The store has the largest selection of Playmobil toys that I’ve found locally. For parents unfamiliar with Playmobil, the toys are a miniature world of endless, imaginative fun. (Here’s the company’s Web site.) Of all the toys my daughters have received over the years, the Playmobil stuff continues to provide hours of imaginative play every week. The poseable people drive buses, fly planes, put out fires, save lives, go swimming (and almost drown!), go on safaris, and so much more. Best of all, there’s a Play World for every interest: Romans, Knights, Pirates, Magic Castle, Fairy World, Hospital, City Life, Police, Airport, the list goes on and on. New this year: A circus, a water zoo, dinosaurs and a pony ranch. Plus, the stuff is nearly indestructible and comes with a bunch of little pieces that aren’t even annoying. Really! While you’re at Red Bell, check out these toys recommended by owner David Rosenthal: • Coggy Doggy, for ages 5+. This 111-piece set by Learning Resources lets kids build their own remote-control motorized pooch. Simple color-coded instructions help children build one of three different models, or they can create their own ($46.95, Red Bell). • Maxy Aquini Doll, for ages 3+. This doll has hair meant for shampooing. She’s 16 inches, has blinking eyes, poseable arms and legs, and a waterproof body. Her rooted hair can be washed, blow-dried and styled. For anyone who remembers the mess that was their dolls' hair after a shampoo, this is a big deal ($54.99, Red Bell). • Bare Books by Treetop Publishing. (This is my recommendation, not Rosenthal’s. I just love these.) If you’ve got a budding artist or writer on your hands, pick up a few of these fully-bound, hardcover blank books from Red Bell. Children can doodle, draw, scribble and write stories on the pages, then design or color the cover. I pull the books out on car trips, airplane rides and in restaurants where quiet play is required, but my girls love them any time. Large books are $3.99, small books are $2.99. They make a great stocking stuffer. ... (more) |
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